When Your Choices Feel Overwhelming, God Holds You Together

Through all my heartbreak, God is the one that holds me together. I can’t take the credit for when it looks like I am strong, it is all God. I hold fast to my life verse.

Colossians 1:17– He is before all things, and in all things, and holds all things together.

I didn’t know this verse when I was 16. I loved God and had accepted Jesus in my heart, yet  I rebelled against my parents, thought I knew better for me and sadly, ended up pregnant. As I shared with my boyfriend the news, he wanted me to make a choice I was not comfortable with. So I broke up with him and held the secret as my heart ached with fear and embarrassment. I didn’t want to hear the judgement, anger, and shame that would pour onto me from my dad. I kept praying for courage, wisdom, and peace to tell my mom.

God held me together in my fear and shame.

My mom had figured it out as my belly was growing, and I could no longer hide the truth. She held me and we cried together as we thought about the future for my baby.  Trying to decide what was best, we had out-of-state family offer to let me stay with them so, “no one would have to know”.  But I did not want any more family secrets. Family friends had offered to adopt, but it didn’t feel right. Even the ex-boyfriend now wanted to get married. Um, No! I knew that raising my child would be hard by myself. As I prayed, I felt the love, forgiveness, and strength of God helping me to make the best choice for my son.  

God held me together through my overwhelming choices.

I chose the adoptive family through a local Christian agency. The couple had already adopted a little girl and understood the pain I was going through. They encouraged an open adoption, but my breaking heart could not do it.  When the papers were signed, it was the first time I’d ever seen my dad cry.  I will never forget the day a piece of my heart drove away to meet his new family.

God held me together in my heartbreak.

Every Mother’s Day, birthday, and holiday celebration my heart ached. I missed my son so much. I refused to let family “hide him away” by not remembering. Every relationship that had a potential future I made sure they understood about my son and that he would find me. My mom would call on his birthday every year. After he turned 18 my dad would ask, “Do you think this is the year he’ll find us?” 

God held me together in the waiting.

In late 2020, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. My son came to mind, I should find him. I had always wanted to give him space to find me when he was ready, but this heartbreaking news of my dad was the catalyst to get me to register at adopted.com. Leaving breadcrumbs with his city, state, and birth date, I prayed he would find me. I was shocked by the timing. Within 24 hours, I received a message from a person whose username was the one I gave my son. I also knew the name his adoptive parents named him. It all matched!

It was my son!! He found me! He had been looking for me for over 10 years. What a miracle!! God had moved!

Once again, God held me together in this special moment.

Getting to hug my son in person after 33 years is one of the most amazing moments of my life. That day, I became a “mother-in-law” and a grandma. I was overwhelmed with joy, excitement, sadness, and guilt. I was thankful how God has held me together through it all.

Friend, God can hold you together through your hard circumstances too.

I pray this verse in Colossians encourages you no matter where you are on your journey. Trust God and His timing as He holds everything together.

Jackie Wheeler is a child of God who loves her family deeply. She has been married to her husband, Patrick for 25 years. Jackie is a boy mom with two sons from her marriage and one she was reunited with in 2021, who also gave her the special title of grandma. She has a healthy obsession with purple, chocolate, coffee, fashion and all things Parisian. When she is not spending time with family she is busy with her image consulting business, JackieStyle Image and Branding Agency, where she helps women enhance their style, image, and brand. You can connect with Jackie on Instagram or her website.