The Best Gifts To Comfort Someone After A Miscarriage

Today, October 15^th is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  Please join me in remembering all those who have walked this difficult loss and let’s pray for all the grieving moms. 

Since I have walked through this hard loss, I know it can feel very lonely. I know the world can sometimes minimize this loss too, so I wanted to honor the women who have lost a pregnancy by sharing a little of my story as well as giving a practical list of gift ideas to help comfort someone who has experienced a miscarriage.

I woke up drowsy from my operation. Sadly, just days before, the sonogram revealed the heartbreaking news. My baby’s heart had stopped beating at sixteen weeks pregnant.

Words cannot describe the devastation I experienced that day in the doctor’s office. With tears streaming down my face, I stared at the ultrasound monitor in shock. My hopes and dreams for my baby were gone in an instant. They were over before they even began.

After a long day of surgery, I left the hospital with empty arms.

On the drive home, my eyes welled up again with tears as I realized miscarriage was now part of my story.

As we pulled into the driveway, my eyes spotted a surprise by my doorstep. There sat a huge, beautiful pot alongside a fruit tree.

In lieu of flowers, our friends had given us a tree to plant in memory of our baby.

What a brilliant idea, I thought. Flowers will eventually die, but we can have this fruit tree forever.

Planting the tree was more emotional than I had anticipated.

As we poured the potting soil, the fresh dirt was warm to my hands. My empty hands. I started crying. I should be holding my sweet baby in my arms, not planting a tree in her memory. Another wave of grief hit me. My heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces all over again.

The loss was real. Tears continued to roll down my face as we physically rooted the tree into the large ceramic container. My friends had thought of everything by providing the giant pot. In case we ever moved, we could take our special remembrance tree with us.

Even though that day was emotionally difficult, Baby Grace’s remembrance tree was my favorite gift in the midst of the grief.

I am still so grateful for the thoughtfulness of my friends. Even today when I see it, I smile and think of her.

When a loved one walks through a miscarriage, it may be hard to think of the right gift you can give them to honor their baby or help them in their healing. I would like to share with you some more gift ideas that I have either given or received myself as well as some ideas from friends who have lost a baby.

Tree with Special Pot

In lieu of flowers, give your loved one a tree to plant in memory of her baby. This is what a group from my son’s preschool class did after my miscarriage. Driving home from the hospital, I was surprised to find a beautiful ceramic pot, a bag of potting soil, and a fruit tree sitting on the front porch. That remembrance tree was so special, and I love that they gave us a separate pot to put it in, just in case we ever moved.

Personalized gifts

If your friend or family member has chosen a name for their baby, I highly recommend personalizing a present for them. You can monogram a blanket, a name plaque for their remembrance tree, a stone from their garden, or a journal with the name and either the due date or heaven date. We have a special Remembrance Day, so ask your loved ones what date they plan to remember their sweet baby and include it.

Handwritten Card

Never forget the importance of empathy and heartfelt words. Knowing that others were praying for me and here for me if I needed to talk was so life giving. In my special notes to others, I like to include the verse, Psalms 34:18, “The Lord is close to the broken hearted.”  Such an important reminder that we are not alone when walking through grief.

Song

After my loss, a family member gave me a CD with the song, “Glory Baby.” The lyrics are beautiful, and a reminder that my baby is now in the arms of Jesus. I recommend Kleenex as you listen to this powerful song.

Book

Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg was so helpful to me. The author shares special devotionals for certain difficult dates like Mother’s Day or your due date. As a grieving mother of multiple losses herself, the words in her book just spoke to my soul and offered encouragement and hope. 

Journal

In addition to a book, I recommend a journal. Writing was so therapeutic to me, and I hope it would be beneficial to your friend too. The Psalms in the Bible remind us of the importance of lamenting and expressing our hurt and grief. A journal is a valuable tool.

Meal

Providing food to a family who is walking through a loss is both practical and loving. You can ask them if you can set a meal train for them, or just deliver a single meal. Helping them in their time of grief is such a gift. I also recommend asking them if they need anything at the grocery store whenever you do your weekly shopping. For me, it was very difficult going out in public after my miscarriage.

Jewelry

A special piece of jewelry to remember their sweet baby is another recommendation. It could be a necklace, bracelet, or ring that they can wear to never forget their precious angel in heaven.

Baby Memory Book

I remember saying many times in the months that followed my miscarriage, “I don’t want to forget my precious baby.” A special keepsake book is another great gift. For me, I added ultrasound pictures and the words I had journaled that summer. I still look at this priceless book every year on her Remembrance Day.

Christmas Ornament

One of my favorite ornaments to put on the tree each year is my special Baby Grace ornament. It is a small wooden angel with her name and year as well as the words, We Love and Miss You.”

A Friend’s Idea

A friend shared with me that her most profound gift was a stuffed animal and blanket with these words in the card: “Something to hold when your arms feel empty. Something to wrap around you when you most need comfort.”

Remembering is so important!

Please don’t ignore the loss. Saying or doing nothing is extremely hurtful. If you are not sure what to do, you can send a text or mail a card with the words, “I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family.”

Acknowledging it and showing your support makes a difference.

I am praying these ideas will help you offer support and comfort to your loved one after a miscarriage.

Love, Jodi

Note: If you want a printable version of this list, click this direct link.

On my Free Resources page, I have other downloads to help you grow deeper in your faith and bring hope to your hurting heart that I would love to share with you. To get access to all of them for free, please just click this link and enter your name and email. I will follow up with an email to you that includes the link to my Free Resources Library! Praying these resources encourage you!