God Can Use Deep Devastation When You Surrender To His Plans For Your Life

I remember exactly where I was standing and every detail around me.

On February 25, 2006, I had just arrived at the Home Show with my eight-month-old baby when my phone rang. By the time I found it at the bottom of my diaper bag, it had already gone to voicemail.  It was a number I didn’t recognize and a strange man’s extremely distressed voice saying, “Call me back right now.” 

When I called back, I heard words that no mother would ever want to hear.

Devon, my 21-year-old son had killed himself. I started screaming into the phone, “What? When? Where?”

There was a woman standing in front of me, frozen, wondering what could possibly have happened. I blurted out the devastating news, “My son killed himself!”

The world was spinning around me.

In the days that followed, it felt like a rollercoaster of emotions.

Getting out of bed felt impossible. I thanked Jesus every day for giving me my sweet daughter, Vivian, 21 years younger than Devon. She was the reason I got out of bed.

As the months passed, the difficult feelings of grief put a strain on my current relationship, and it took its toll a year and half later. I was a single mother again.

My mother moved in. I did not realize at the time that my mother was suffering from brain cancer.  She had been a bit off for many years.  A few months later she abandoned me. She gave me no notice, shut off my electricity and water, and made my life incredibly more difficult than it needed to be.

I felt broken– I had lost my son, my job, the love of my life, my mother and was about to lose my house.

I started to write my suicide note because I wanted my daughter to know why she didn’t have a mother. As I re-read my letter, I could clearly see that this was not the answer and my daughter needed me. She saved my life twice. I really adore her.

This was when I began to scream at God as loud as I could through tears streaming down my face, “God Help me! Help me! Help me!”

To my shock, I heard God’s voice lovingly say, “Come back to church.” In that conversation with God, I said, “I don’t know what to do but I will pick up my foot, and you can put it where you want it.”

God will take you unexpected places when you surrender to His purpose for your life.

I found a church nearby and was shocked to see loving families all around me. This was very different from the religion that I grew up in. Every Sunday the pastor was talking about what was weighing heavy on my heart as tears streamed down my face. I finally had answers. Week after week, I felt God’s strength as the pastor delivered messages to answer the questions weighing on me.

I prayed, “God, if I cannot have my son, I want everyone else’s children.” Little did I know how He would answer that prayer and take me from teaching to school counseling.

Over the past 20 years, God has taken me on an educational journey. Many promotions within various school districts. He gave me mentors to give me direction and strength to keep going. I got my Bachelor’s degree and was promoted to what I thought was the perfect job, a social worker at a high school. It was a grant position that should have lasted at least five years. After six months, on my way to work I was thinking about the story of Lot and his wife.  After I pulled into my parking spot, I heard God’s voice saying, “Don’t look back.” This odd message made sense when I was let go at the end of the day.

Being let go forced me to get my Master’s degree to ensure that I could get a similar job. I had no way of knowing the blessings that I would receive over the next three years. Teaching opportunities working with students with special needs, teaching all grades and all subjects.

As soon as my credentials posted I started applying for school counselor positions. It was application 13, the least likely, too far away. I started the application but abandoned the idea. In the week that followed they emailed twice, then finally called me to say, “Please finish your application.” Trust me, this NEVER happens. When they asked me which school I wanted, I just replied, “Get me close to the freeway.” I prayed after that phone call, “Father, put me at the school you want me at.”

There was no way I could have known that Jesus would fulfill his promise in Jeremiah 29:11 His plans to prosper and not to harm.

God answered every prayer.  He put me in a very high needs school where I get to see children blossom and grow. The school has been transformed, and students continue to make great progress as they overcome life’s greatest challenges.

My entire life’s challenges were God preparing me to serve Him and His precious children just like I had prayed years ago.

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”

I trust God completely to deliver on every promise including seeing my son again. Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear and death will be no more.

Kathleen Hitt is an elementary school counselor in Los Angeles dedicated to supporting high‑needs students. My faith in Jesus Christ shapes the way I show up for kids, families, and my community.