Don’t “Should” on Yourself

Recently, I was talking with a friend and I realized how often I “should” on myself.   As a perfectionist, I am really hard on myself and my inner critic is always repeating the phrase, “I should have…” I should have remembered, I should have done more or I should have tried harder. I should have been more patient with my kids or more intentional. These words are constantly on replay in my head. Can anyone relate?

Constantly “Should-ing” on yourself is a form of unhealthy control.

If I am completely honest, I really thought I had worked on my perfectionist tendencies and control issues.   Throwing my rocks into the ocean and fully releasing and surrendering my life, my kids, my writing, and my book to God, I thought I could confidently say this was a struggle in my past.   However, I realized that I still have some new growth steps to work on as I read this book.

It’s All Under Control by Jennifer Dukes Lee is a phenomenal book. I have had the privilege to be on her book launch team so I got to read the book early. It actually comes out on September 18th and I highly recommend pre-ordering it. It is a phenomenal book; one of my favorite books I have read this year.

Jennifer shares some amazing truth in her book.  I love what she says, “When we are under stress or operating with misguided thinking, we swing toward unhealthy control. When we are in a healthy state of control, partnering with God, our days are filled with meaning and purpose- even amidst the busy. “

Partnering with God is the key to my success.

In my own strength, I will eventually burn out. In God’s strength, I can do all things. (Phil 4:13) Friends, when we are “should-ing” on ourselves, we need to stop and ask God for His strength and power. Ask Him to give us grace for our mistakes and love for others.

I like this graphic; Jennifer says it so well in her book: “Let’s stop should-ing ourselves and start replenishing ourselves.”   This can be easier said than done but I think it starts with inviting God into our mess and into our faulty thinking.

We ask Him to replace our critical thinking with His grace-filled love.

If you are like me, you may be a recovering perfectionist, maybe a one on the enneagram.  You are probably very dependable and hard working.   Taken to the extreme, these qualities can become negative.  However, when combined with God’s power and strength, Jennifer calls these qualities “our superpowers.”

Listen to her quote: “What if God actually knew what he was doing when he made you? What if God made you the way you are for a reason? What if he actually created you as a responsible, forward thinking, and dependable human so that you could carry out your one-of-a-kind calling in this world? What if you aren’t a person to be “fixed,” but a person who gifts and desires simply need to be rechanneled?”

Let’s rechannel our thinking!  Let’s invite God into our plans!

Let’s partner with Him and become the women He created us to be!

This is my prayer for you and me!

Love, Jodi








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