How to Go from Sudden Loss to Unshakable Faith

The last time I saw my husband alive was New Year’s Day 1997. It was a day I’ll never forget – it shook the foundation of my life.

Have you ever found yourself questioning God? I’ve been there.

The story begins on New Year’s Eve. My husband Brent and I were both 37 years old, pastors of a church, and had spent New Year’s Eve with our church family, celebrating with games, prayer and food. We were the last to leave, about 2:00 AM.

Early on New Year’s Day an emergency phone call awakened us. Running on three hours sleep, Brent climbed out of bed and went to help our church member in their hour of need.

That day I managed to take a nap, but Brent didn’t. He and our sons, ages 12 and 13, watched every football bowl game, and even played football with some neighborhood kids.

By 9:30 p.m., he was exhausted. With a smile, he leaned over and gave me a kiss. “I love you,” he said over the noise of the TV. “I love you too,” I said, glancing up and smiling at him as he walked toward the hallway.

When I went to bed, about an hour later, I found he had stopped breathing. I called 911, and paramedics rushed to our house. They were unable to revive him, and later at the hospital, he was pronounced dead. He hadn’t been sick – it turned out later that he had died of reflux, just too exhausted to sit up and cough.

I Had Questions!

As you can imagine, my life changed drastically after that night.

I became senior pastor of our church and a single mom of teenage boys — two things I had never expected to do.

I asked,“Why God, why? How did my big, strong, healthy 37-year-old husband go to bed and suddenly end up in heaven? Why didn’t You tell me? How could You let this happen? What about satisfying us with long life?”

I know people say we should never question God. But He is my Father, and He’s also the One with all the answers! I was asking the questions in my head anyway – if I didn’t ask Him, those would become the issues that would stand between Him and me. I knew He could handle all my questions – He’d heard them all before!

Where Will You Camp?

One of the Bible verses that really helped me was Psalm 23:4: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

That verse tells me that there is a valley of shadow. I wish there wasn’t, but the truth of real life is: hard stuff happens.

However, the key word in Psalm 23:4 is “through.”

I knew I needed to keep walking through the valley of shadow and not set up camp there! The valley of shadow is not a place I wanted to stay.

Over time, God answered some of my questions – and some He didn’t. I learned that I could ask Him anything, but then I had to push those questions to the back burner of my life, still staying close to Him by reading His Word, praying, going to church, and moving forward.

In the days and months that followed Brent’s death, I spent hours and hours reading the Bible. I pressed in. I knew that if I was going to keep going through the valley of shadow – not set up camp there.

I had to have His Word. I drank it in, like a person in the desert desperate for water.

Let’s face it: most of us only press into God when we’re in trouble – and I was! I had to get over the death of my young husband, pastor the church as a single woman, and raise my teenage sons alone. It would require God’s supernatural help.

I Fell In Love

I refer to that time in my life as the worst of times – but also the best of times, because I pressed into God like never before, and I found Him faithful, a very present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1).

I had been a Christian – a preacher, a Bible believer – my whole adult life.

But in that time of pressing, I grew closer to God than I ever had before, and I fell in love with Him.

I found out God can be counted on in every situation of life!

Sometimes life can be hard and painful. But here’s what I found out — God has a way to bring us through even our hardest times, working things out even better than we imagined (Ephesians 3:20).

God is faithful, and He loves us so much!

One of life’s greatest tragedies happened to my sons and me, but we came through the valley. Now we’re not afraid of anything, because the worst happened to us and we not only survived, but we thrived. Today we are all serving God with all our hearts, and our testimony is “God is faithful!”  

Karen Jensen Salisbury is an author, speaker, and teacher. She and her first husband, Brent, traveled as itinerant ministers, and also pioneered two churches in the Northwest.

In 1997, upon Brent’s unexpected death, she became Senior Pastor of their church in Boise, Idaho. She raised their sons, Josh and Ryan, through their teenage years into young men on fire for God.

Karen is an instructor at Rhema Bible Training College in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. In March of 2014 she married Minneapolis businessman Bob Salisbury. She is a radio talk show host on the Oasis Network Roadshow, and co-host of the weekly podcast “Elevate the Day” with Jennifer Covello.

Note: It was such a joy to be a guest on Karen and Jennifer’s “Elevate the Day” Podcast- Click here for more details.